Post by alfie on May 19, 2009 7:20:07 GMT -5
Exam Paper excerpts from a Catholic School
Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these
> papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and
> maintain her composure!
>
> PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU
> KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS
> HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST
>
> KIDS WERE ASKED
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS
> THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY
> CHILDREN THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.
> INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
>
> ..................................................................................................
>
>
>
> 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED
> OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
> 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S
> WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS
> CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
> 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A
> BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
>
> 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY
> HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
> 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE
LED ASTRAY BY
> A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
>
> 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
> APOSTLES.
>
> 7 MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
> UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS
>
>
> 8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
> AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE
> TEN COMMANDMENTS
>
> 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE
> APPLE.
>
> 10.. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
> ADULTERY.
>
> 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA
> LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
>
> 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD
> HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
> 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING
THE
> LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED
> IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
> 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
> PORCUPINES.
>
> 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG
> THE MAGNA CARTA.
>
> 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED
> THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
>
> 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
> CONTRAPTION.
>
> 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
> 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO
> OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN
> DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
>
> 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND
> MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
> 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12
>
DECIBELS.
>
> 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
> 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A
> TAXIMAN.
>
> 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY
> ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
> 25.. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED
> MONOTONY.
>
>
>
>
Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these
> papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and
> maintain her composure!
>
> PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU
> KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS
> HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST
>
> KIDS WERE ASKED
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS
> THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY
> CHILDREN THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.
> INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
>
> ..................................................................................................
>
>
>
> 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED
> OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
> 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S
> WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS
> CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
> 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A
> BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
>
> 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY
> HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
> 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE
LED ASTRAY BY
> A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
>
> 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
> APOSTLES.
>
> 7 MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
> UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS
>
>
> 8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
> AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE
> TEN COMMANDMENTS
>
> 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE
> APPLE.
>
> 10.. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
> ADULTERY.
>
> 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA
> LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
>
> 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD
> HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
> 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING
THE
> LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED
> IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
> 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
> PORCUPINES.
>
> 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG
> THE MAGNA CARTA.
>
> 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED
> THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
>
> 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
> CONTRAPTION.
>
> 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
> 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO
> OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN
> DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
>
> 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND
> MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
> 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12
>
DECIBELS.
>
> 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
> 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A
> TAXIMAN.
>
> 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY
> ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
> 25.. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED
> MONOTONY.
>
>
>
>