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Jokes
Apr 11, 2008 15:03:50 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on Apr 11, 2008 15:03:50 GMT -5
Okay folks. I for one lovvvvvvve a good joke. I especially enjoy good Pope/Priest/Nun jokes. So, let's hear them. The only thing that won't be allowed will be jokes that "I" personally consider offensive to me or to anybody else. Other than that, let's have them!  |
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Jokes
Apr 11, 2008 15:06:01 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on Apr 11, 2008 15:06:01 GMT -5
The Heretic
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.
So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?"
He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?"
He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist?
He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?
He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!"
I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
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Jokes
Apr 11, 2008 15:08:05 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on Apr 11, 2008 15:08:05 GMT -5
The drunk in the cathedral
A drunk staggered down the main street of the town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to a cathedral and into the entrance, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.
A priest had observed all this, and figured the fellow needed some help, so he entered his side of the confessional. After the priest sat there in deathly silence, he finally asked, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno," came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any paper on your side?"
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Jokes
Apr 11, 2008 15:12:12 GMT -5
Post by knuckle on Apr 11, 2008 15:12:12 GMT -5
eeeew
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Jokes
Apr 11, 2008 15:18:51 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on Apr 11, 2008 15:18:51 GMT -5
Holy Hole
Moses, Jesus and an older gent were playing golf on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.
Moses went first. His tee shot went straight and true, but unfortunately was headed straight towards the water hazard short of the green.
ot hesitating, Moses dropped his driver to the ground, and held up his hands towards the water. With that, the water parted down the middle, and his drive ran up the middle, stopping just short of the fringe.
Jesus had next honors, teeing up and hitting an absolutely monstrous shot up the middle, but again looking like it wouldn't clear the hazard.
Jesus calmly raised a hand, and the water became still as glass, the ball landed squarely in the middle, bounced off the surface of the water, and landed on the green, leaving a 15 foot eagle putt.
The old gent, not to be outdone, stepped up with his new driver and extra distance golf ball. Laying into the drive for all he was worth, he shanked the ball hard.
The ball travels into the woods, where it finds a tree and kicks back towards the fairway. Landing short of the fairway, it hits a large rock, bounces straight up, and heads directly into the water hazard.
Before breaking the water, a large fish jumps up and swallows the ball. Before landing back in the water, the fish is caught in the talons of a rare peregrin falcon, who in flying away drops the fish right on the green.
The golf ball is forced out of the fishes mouth, and rolls 3 inches for a hole in one!
Jesus looks at the old gent and says..."Nice shot, Dad".
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Jokes
Apr 11, 2008 15:56:46 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on Apr 11, 2008 15:56:46 GMT -5
An Atheist dies & goes to heaven.
Peter is giving him the grand tour.
All the hosts of heaven are in groups and generally having a grand old time.
"Here's the Catholics, the Orhtodox, the Muslims, the Buddhists, there's the Anlicans...over there are the former-Atheists"
"We all gather in the center and worship God together."
Everybody was happy and seemed to be having a good time.
This lead the man to wonder and he asked Peter...
"Well, what about me?" Peter asked him "Do you believe now?" YES! Said the Atheist. Peter looks at His notes and says, "You led a good life. God is merciful. He'll forgive you.
"Even if I didn't believe before?" said the former-Atheist.
"His mercy is limitless." replied Peter..."Welcome aboard brother."
They were passing a great big wall. Behind it, the former-Atheist could hear all this screaming and yelling and bickering and fighting. There were no doors or windows or end to the wall on either side. It ran forever.
He asked Peter "What's that?"
Peter replied "Oh, those are The Protestants. They think that they're the only one's here."
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Jokes
Apr 11, 2008 19:34:15 GMT -5
Post by knuckle on Apr 11, 2008 19:34:15 GMT -5
A priest of the Roman order and a rabbi were having lunch.Looking at the menu the rabbi,speaking candidly said that he had always wanted to try ham---How is it asked the rabbi---It is wonderful replied the priest and he went on about the subtle flavors and juicy goodness of pork in general.
when the attractive young waitress came to take their order both men smiled at her(she was gorgeous ) and as she walked away the rabbi whispered to the the still smiling priest---oh yes,much better than ham
much love--------------knuckle
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Jokes
Apr 15, 2008 12:09:58 GMT -5
Post by redsoxfan on Apr 15, 2008 12:09:58 GMT -5
Upon Jesus return to Earth He phoned all the world's religious leaders.
He said "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that I'm back!"
"That's awesome!" they all replied. Happy at the news. Then they said "what's the bad news?"
"Well, I'm calling from Salt Lake City..." Jesus said.
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Jokes
Apr 15, 2008 13:57:03 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on Apr 15, 2008 13:57:03 GMT -5
Upon Jesus return to Earth He phoned all the world's religious leaders. He said "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that I'm back!" "That's awesome!" they all replied. Happy at the news. Then they said "what's the bad news?" "Well, I'm calling from Salt Lake City..." Jesus said. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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Jokes
Apr 28, 2008 20:14:45 GMT -5
Post by cradlecathlic27 on Apr 28, 2008 20:14:45 GMT -5
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Jokes
Apr 28, 2008 20:32:07 GMT -5
Post by cradlecathlic27 on Apr 28, 2008 20:32:07 GMT -5
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Jokes
Apr 28, 2008 20:54:23 GMT -5
Post by emily445455 on Apr 28, 2008 20:54:23 GMT -5
An Atheist dies & goes to heaven. Peter is giving him the grand tour. All the hosts of heaven are in groups and generally having a grand old time. "Here's the Catholics, the Orhtodox, the Muslims, the Buddhists, there's the Anlicans...over there are the former-Atheists" "We all gather in the center and worship God together." Everybody was happy and seemed to be having a good time. This lead the man to wonder and he asked Peter... "Well, what about me?" Peter asked him "Do you believe now?" YES! Said the Atheist. Peter looks at His notes and says, "You led a good life. God is merciful. He'll forgive you. "Even if I didn't believe before?" said the former-Atheist. "His mercy is limitless." replied Peter..."Welcome aboard brother." They were passing a great big wall. Behind it, the former-Atheist could hear all this screaming and yelling and bickering and fighting. There were no doors or windows or end to the wall on either side. It ran forever. He asked Peter "What's that?" Peter replied "Oh, those are The Protestants. They think that they're the only one's here." Aww that's not very nice. |
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Jokes
Apr 28, 2008 20:54:42 GMT -5
Post by emily445455 on Apr 28, 2008 20:54:42 GMT -5
The drunk in the cathedral A drunk staggered down the main street of the town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to a cathedral and into the entrance, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had observed all this, and figured the fellow needed some help, so he entered his side of the confessional. After the priest sat there in deathly silence, he finally asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno," came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any paper on your side?" Haha, nice. |
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Jokes
May 3, 2008 12:31:57 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on May 3, 2008 12:31:57 GMT -5
Here's a good joke I received in my Private Message box:
"Cepha,
You can't have Emily.
I won't let you.
You can't fool me with all of this Catholic crap.
Ive been on a number of Catholic forums and I've heard it all before.
You guys are a bunch of clones (same old propaganda...same old pat answers).
Anyway I will pray for her protection against you.
I hope someday the "Holy Spirit" will lead you to the truth and you will leave Catholicism."
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Jokes
May 3, 2008 17:52:17 GMT -5
Post by emily445455 on May 3, 2008 17:52:17 GMT -5
Who wrote that?
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Jokes
May 3, 2008 18:40:54 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on May 3, 2008 18:40:54 GMT -5
I'm not going to say who it was, but it was sent to me. Have you been contacted privately by message by anybody besides me? That would be your first clue. |
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Jokes
May 3, 2008 18:49:16 GMT -5
Post by emily445455 on May 3, 2008 18:49:16 GMT -5
Ohh ok. Thank you for your prayers  |
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Jokes
May 3, 2008 18:55:28 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on May 3, 2008 18:55:28 GMT -5
Ohh ok. Thank you for your prayers I'm assuming you're thanking the person who said they were praying for you in that PM, right? Because it looks like you were saying that to me. I just want it to be clarified. Yes, I did pray for you too, but it was not for protection from us. I prayed to God thanking Him for your presence here. |
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Jokes
May 3, 2008 19:47:29 GMT -5
Post by emily445455 on May 3, 2008 19:47:29 GMT -5
Yes I thanked the person in the PM. Thank you for your prayers also. I pray for you too...but I don't think you want to know for what, lol.
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Jokes
May 3, 2008 20:18:00 GMT -5
Post by Cepha on May 3, 2008 20:18:00 GMT -5
Yes I thanked the person in the PM. Thank you for your prayers also. I pray for you too...but I don't think you want to know for what, lol. That's ok. You can't undo what God has done. |
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