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Post by teresahrc on Jun 5, 2009 23:18:39 GMT -5
What do say/what advice would you give to a friend who knows their husband is cheating on them(but he doesn't know that she knows)?
I have no idea....this is a sad situation and I love my friend and don't want to say the wrong thing or give bad advice.
I'm not good at dealing with this sort of thing...help!
And please pray for her. I'll just call her "J".
peace
teresa
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Post by cradlecathlic27 on Jun 6, 2009 0:13:22 GMT -5
Must tell her! Wouldnt you want to know?
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Post by teresahrc on Jun 6, 2009 0:19:31 GMT -5
Huh?
She already knows. But he doesn't know that she knows about it.
Sorry if that was confusing.
I need advice on how to give her advice. She doesn't know what to do (confront him, leave him, ignore it etc) and I don't know what to tell her, so I'm trying to get advice on how to give advice.
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Post by Cepha on Jun 6, 2009 8:06:18 GMT -5
Wow. If she doesn't handle it, then leave it at that. It may be too painful for her to deal with, but you have to leave things between a man and a woman between a man and a woman. Do NOT give her any advice on how to deal with it, rather give her you ear because if she leaves him because of something you said and ends up getting back with him anyway, you're going to be made out to be the "bad guy". Stay out of it. Just be there and support her. Now if she "asks" you out of her own will, then you can help her, but never give advice on their marriage. God might be working on that couple and you might not have any idea of what you're doing (helping or hurting). My 2 cents.  |
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Post by emily445455 on Jun 6, 2009 9:51:28 GMT -5
Oh dear...that's sad, I hope for the best for your friend J  I'm not sure what I would do...maybe just give her the options that are on the table Biblically and let her think about them...maybe encourage her to go talk to a pastor or something. That's sad I can't imagine. |
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Post by teresahrc on Jun 6, 2009 13:24:13 GMT -5
She wants advice though!
One time I was going through a crisis and I kept asking people for advice and not one would give it. It was one of the worst things I went through. I don't want to do that to her.
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Post by emily445455 on Jun 6, 2009 13:33:59 GMT -5
Is she a Christian? You can give her her options Biblically. Even if she's not, still give them to her. The only options I can think of are 1) divorce; 2) work through it and forgive him if he asks for it and wants to change.
This is a decision she has to make on her own...advice can only go so far with things like this.
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Post by Cepha on Jun 6, 2009 13:45:09 GMT -5
She wants advice though! One time I was going through a crisis and I kept asking people for advice and not one would give it. It was one of the worst things I went through. I don't want to do that to her. Send her to a Priest! |
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Post by cradlecathlic27 on Jun 7, 2009 16:19:35 GMT -5
Ok, if she knows then she needs to leave to dude! He obviously does not love her....
I would totally no questions asked leave my husband if he did anything with another woman.
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!
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Post by emily445455 on Jun 7, 2009 17:41:08 GMT -5
Marcie, I disagree. Men , as well as women, can mess up...it doesn't mean they will do it again.
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Post by cradlecathlic27 on Jun 8, 2009 11:27:47 GMT -5
Well, i dont think that cheating is a "mess up", its infidelity at its best and would never stand for it. Just think about it, if you kissed or had sex with another man...dont you think that you would not care enough to be married to your husband if you did that? I dont think so!
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Post by emily445455 on Jun 8, 2009 12:25:05 GMT -5
Marcie, People mess up....it happens all the time. The best thing to do, IMO, is forgive and try to work through it to become a good married couple again.
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Post by teresahrc on Jun 8, 2009 12:36:10 GMT -5
Emily, it's not the first time though.
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Post by emily445455 on Jun 8, 2009 12:40:07 GMT -5
If he is not willing to change/is not changing, then she should divorce him.
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Post by alfie on Jun 8, 2009 12:41:01 GMT -5
Emily, it's not the first time though. Why is forgiving someone for adultry any different then forgiving someone for other sins they have commited against you? |
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Post by teresahrc on Jun 8, 2009 12:48:43 GMT -5
1 John, mortal sins...look it up
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Post by emily445455 on Jun 8, 2009 12:54:00 GMT -5
alfie, Biblically, a woman can divorce her husband is he cheats on her. Since it seems that she took the forgiving route in the past...IMO it's time to just end the misery.
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Post by Cepha on Jun 8, 2009 12:57:09 GMT -5
Emily, it's not the first time though. Why is forgiving someone for adultry any different then forgiving someone for other sins they have commited against you? Because while one must be as gentle as a dove, they must also be as wise as a serpent. If a person repents but continues to repeat the same sin over and over and over again, then the victim of that sin has the right to walk away from the one causing them the pain. It's Biblical. We are supposed to forgive 7 X 70 times, but are not required to continue dealing with a person who is repeats the same sin more than 3 times. A prime example of this is when one does wrong to you. The first time, you approach them in private. The 2nd time, with Church members. The 3rd time, with The Church. After that, they are banished. Plus, adultery is the one ground for divorce that is granted unconditionally to either party in The Bible. |
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Post by alfie on Jun 8, 2009 13:05:48 GMT -5
Why is forgiving someone for adultry any different then forgiving someone for other sins they have commited against you? Because while one must be as gentle as a dove, they must also be as wise as a serpent. If a person repents but continues to repeat the same sin over and over and over again, then the victim of that sin has the right to walk away from the one causing them the pain. It's Biblical. We are supposed to forgive 7 X 70 times, but are not required to continue dealing with a person who is repeats the same sin more than 3 times. A prime example of this is when one does wrong to you. The first time, you approach them in private. The 2nd time, with Church members. The 3rd time, with The Church. After that, they are banished. Plus, adultery is the one ground for divorce that is granted unconditionally to either party in The Bible. So which do you think God would choose...divorce or forgiveness? Jesus was crucified and forgave his killers. |
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Post by teresahrc on Jun 8, 2009 13:07:52 GMT -5
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